It probably sounds to many people like divorce is far from collaborative. After all, a couple who once promised to be together forever are calling it quits. How can that be collaborative? Collaborative Divorce or Collaborative Family Law is not so much about the divorce itself being collaborative, but rather how the couple goes about separating and divorcing that can either make it collaborative or adversarial. Most of us understand what an adversarial divorce looks like. An adversarial divorce involves the filing of a lawsuit,
What are you afraid of?
Fear is a strong emotion. It can motivate you to action or it can paralyze you. Fear is an emotional experience, but it has physical effects on your body. In the evolutionary sense, fear was necessary. A scared animal usually flees, fights or freezes. Most people are no longer afraid of being mauled by a bear or devoured by a lion (although I confess that both seem quite unpleasant). These days, we are afraid of financial insecurity, not being accepted, having a health scare or
What Atticus Taught Me
No, I am not talking about Atticus Finch. Although, he too has some valuable lessons, especially for young lawyers. I am talking about our dear friend and canine law partner, Atticus. Unfortunately, we lost Atticus a couple of weeks ago to a spinal cancer. He was stoic and brave to the end. Dogs in general, and Atticus in particular, are Zen masters of beatific living. Whether we were gone for 10 minutes or 10 days, Atticus was overjoyed upon our return. He loved every human
Parenting Coordinator or Guardian Ad Litem: Which is best for your custody case?
Custody cases are all about the children, right? Then why does it seem that the parents are the only ones who get to tell the judge what is best for the children? Can a child make the decision what custody arrangement is best? The answer is no and is explained in greater detail in an earlier blog on the topic. Mom and Dad each have lawyers talking for them, so shouldn’t the kids have an adult who can speak for them? Actually, that can happen
Mindfulness and Mediation
What is Mindfulness and how can it help me negotiate the litigation minefield? Mindfulness involves having a clear, non-judgmental awareness of your inner and outer worlds. Some describe Mindfulness as being “in the zone” or in a “flow state.” For those of us in the legal profession, it often means dealing with conflict from a receptive rather than reactive point of view. So how does that help lawyers and clients in mediation? Mediation is about trying to find common ground. Winning and losing is not
When can the child decide custody?
The simple answer is NEVER. Neither the parties nor the lawyers in a child custody dispute can divest or take away the Court’s authority to determine what is in the best interest of the child. However, a child may be a witness in a custody or visitation hearing. There is no age under North Carolina Law where a child has a right to testify. Even very young children can testify provided they can demonstrate to the Court that they know the difference between a lie
Black & White vs. Color
I have come to the conclusion that the internet is black & white. Life, on the other hand, is Technicolor. Big issues are rarely simple. Big questions do not usually come with simple yes or no answers. That is what makes today’s political divide so unproductive and dangerous. Increasingly, people discuss (that is a kind word for it) these thorny issues on social media and any opposing opinions are deemed wrong, stupid or evil. On a personal level, we can fall into the trap of
Uncertainty vs. Co-Parenting
You’ve got to ask yourself one question, “Do I feel lucky?” If not, it is best not to gamble in the first place. Unless you feel like you have a chance to “win”, you would never roll the dice, spin the wheel or buy the lottery ticket. My question to folks dealing with child custody and co-parenting goes one step further: Do you want your children’s welfare left to luck? Of course, that is not entirely fair. The court system is about much more
Merry Christmas From Irvine Law Firm
Divorced Parents – Sullen Teenager
So your teen is acting moody and distant. That is not unexpected. Your teen may be reluctant to share with you because: (1) The other parent tells him not to; (2) He fears it will result in you then confronting the other parent; or (3) He is experiencing some inexplicable teenage drama that (in his mind) you would never understand. Sometimes you simply need to just move past his sullen attitude. Try not to let it influence your mood or the way you interact with